I am young, but I am not carefree.

My old flame haunts me. He lurks in my cupboard, in my mind, under the bed, and he talks to me all the time. Some days, I am so glad that we broke up, other times, I sit on my bed and wonder how he is doing. Does he remember me? Does he think of me occasionally? What if we never broke up? What if breaking up was a mistake? Then again, do I want to get together with him again? Sure, there were glorious times, but man, there were times when I felt like a slave.

Today, I felt that I under performed during rehearsal... So I had a little chat with him on my way home. He hardly spoke, he just stood there listening with eyes that said “I understand”. When I reached my stop, he alighted with me and whispered something in my ear. It gave me the creeps.

you need me.

...

What if we end cutting each other’s throat again? What if we work each other so hard that we forget what really matter? What if because of each other, we stumble others?
My ex, I guess I have never truly gotten over you. You hardly gave me tangible gifts, but you often inspired/pushed me. At the same time, I know what is good for me, what I ought to seek after, but recently I found it hard to get you out of my head. :( I’m trying to deal with my own insecurities, but your presence and your voice drives me crazy.

Why do you appear when I am at my lowest?

Black Swan taught me that an obsession with perfection kills-sometimes not physically... but know for sure, a part of you dies. I told my friends if they ever find themselves identifying with her, they need help.

So why do I feel like her today?




What do I do with you now, Perfection?