Sayonara 2009.

2009 flashed by and I would say it was a pretty good year. There were many peaks of stressful period, but there were some fantastic moment of rest as well.

I am growing up. In the past, I often shared that when I get stressed out, pushing God aside was the first thing I would do. Relying on my own strength seemed easier because I was brought up in a culture that tells me that our effort ought to allow us to see some form of result. However, this year, by the grace of God and the encouragement of friends, trusting God and praying became the choice to respond rather than one of the many options. Of course, I still falter, I still fall, but God pulls me back with a gentle rebuke and sometimes with a bad fall. But all turned out good in the end.

Having free time is a luxury good. I felt bad for not being able to spend much time especially with Faith and Rebecca. How to minister to them if I do not meet them? It was tough. But I thank God for them, their growth is not my effort, but by the grace of God and during this retreat…I saw love.

In the youth ministry, nothing is constant. Every youth is different-some are quiet, some are noisy, some only have a single interest so it can be hard to click to them especially if the interest is different, some demand more time, others demand more space, then there are those who come from broken family, or those who are so insecure precisely because they have everything and anything they want.

Some are easier for me to love, others, not so…

During the retreat, my member demonstrated to me what it means to love. Among friends, there were some conflicts, not that it was unusual, but hearing about the situation as a third person, I had certain opinions and thought one of the party was unreasonable. I got frustrated and annoyed because it happened a few times but after a few hours, this member will hug and treat the other member well, as though no conflict had ever occur. I was amazed.

In the dead of the night while preparing for Ecclesiastes, I realized that it was self centeredness on my part. I did not want myself or my member to feel a sense of unjust. That’s the same as “I am in the right, the other person is in the wrong”. But through my member’s action, I saw love and acceptance. ☺ That is one take away for me during this retreat I guess.

For the past few years in ministry, I D-R-E-A-D teaching. I can be really melodramatic about it. Like when Ivy told me I was teaching during this retreat, I was calm, until an hour later… my head was on the table, and I was going nooooo, and in the inside of my head I saw myself running in circles and screaming. Haha. Well, it has gotten better this year.

I recall the meeting with Vee, Amy and Peng at Starbucks where I was encouraged by Rom, Peng and Vee’s fervor and this great sense of urgency to impart the teachings of Ecclesiastes. I often see leaders being busy preparing lessons, but this time, before we sat down to prepare the lesson outline, we found out the reason for this particular book for the retreat, and that helped to prepare my heart to be ready to teach. The fear was still there, but each time I read and re-read Ecclesiastes, I felt like standing on the chair and saying it out loud. I could imagine the different intonation, the emotions and the things that were probably running through King Solomon’s head as he wrote that. It felt like a monologue meant for the audience to hear. Each time I read, I found myself reflecting upon my own life. And even though I stayed up late the night before, I didn’t feel tired the next day!! God gave me that desire to teach, that excitement to share what I have learned with the youths. It was cool!

Seeing the youths run WILD with excitement when we had the little activity before the teaching made me excited too. Especially when I raided the gambling den…man, that expression on their faces was enough to make me laugh my head off. ☺

I thank God for the opportunity to teach during this retreat. To have renewed perspective about teaching, to experience that joy of teaching God’s word in a group setting, and even though BS is not the hottest thing in town as evident during the activity, I thank God for willing hearts not just for myself but the younger ones too that they are willing to sit down to study God’s word.

2-3 years back, Romans led during worship and the song trust his heart made me sing with this big grin on my face.


Trust His Heart

All things work for our good
though sometimes we cant see how they could.
Struggles that break our hearts in two
sometimes blind us to the truth.
Our Father knows whats best for us;
His ways are not our own.
So, when your pathway grows dim,
and you just cant see Him,
Remember Hes still on the throne.

God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you dont understand,
when you dont see His plan,
When you cant trace His hand, trust His heart.

He sees the Master plan.
He holds the future in His hands.
So dont live as those who have no hope.
All our hope is found in Him.
We walk in present knowledge,
but He sees the first and the last.
And like a tapestry, Hes weaving you and me
to someday be just like Him.

God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you dont understand,
when you dont see His plan,
When you cant trace His hand, trust His heart.

I am going to make this the theme song for the first 6 months of 2010!!! :D

Ok, enough of reflection for today. I will continue another day. Man, I wish we could put our thoughts into liquid like in Harry Potter! Haha. Off to the beach with my sick friend later for some QT! :D