For the past two weeks, I spent a large amount of time studying God’s word.
Firstly, it was in preparation for CG. After that, I had to prepare for leaders’ PBSM.

I dread teaching. There is this sense of inadequacy. I fear not being able to put across ideas in a manner that will impact the youths, or worst still, not teaching accurately. It is a frightful thought. Whenever possible, I try to evade from teaching with the belief that it is not my forte. Slowly those thinking morphed into “I can’t teach”.

Therefore, when I realized that I was supposed to teach consolidation for cg, I sighed. I had to face my fears, and put my trust in God that He will grant me the wisdom to teach His word correctly. The experience was refreshing.

I realized that discovering God’s truth was a treasure itself. That realization translated to me wanting my members to understand and even discover for themselves and be blown away by the teachings from their study on God’s word. Thank God that the lesson went by smoothly. There were some hiccups because we were pressed for time but to see that glee, that glimmer of excitement in the youth’s eyes and how they busy themselves to find the treasure was a great encouragement to me. I thank the Lord for giving me joy through this teaching experience. ☺

Time was a limitation when it came to preparing for my lesson on Judas. It was tempting to take up Eirene and Daryl’s offer to help me teach. Yet, I did not want to give up just like that. This time, it was not stubbornness, but rather, a heart that really wanted to teach this lesson… to lead PBSM. (I think it was my first time feeling that way. WAHHAHA) It was an important lesson, there is much to discover not just about the character, but also about ourselves. As I prepared for this lesson, I felt very sad-so sad that I could cry. This study revealed to me how it is possible to give up everything, devote my life to doing God’s work, but at the same time, it need not necessarily mean that I have dedicated my heart to God.

I enjoy the company of my co-workers-Romans, Ivy, Ben, Ranald, Eirene, Daryl, Declan, Gwen, Peng, Charis, Jon, Sarah and Sherm however that initial excitement I once had when we had our first few PBSM was fading. Was I getting bored with seeing these familiar faces? How is that so when I actually enjoy their company? Preparing for this lesson made me to want to reignite that excitement, not just for myself, but for them as well… and I am glad I was given the opportunity to teach, to do something different.

I ran out of time and creative juices hence, the execution of the lesson on Judas was not what I had intended. In my anxiousness and tiredness, I prepared the worksheet filled with typing errors and poor sentence structures that led to some confusion. ☹ Honestly, I felt discouraged. As I reflected about this on my way back from school just now, I realized that my discouragement stemmed from me falling short of my own expectations. How silly. I am only a branch, but the vine will work through the vine, and the gardener will prune it, as long as I abide in it. ☺