Recently I found myself very stressed up.
The previous 2 weeks was a silent killer. I struggled to keep my feet firmly rooted like those old oak trees. I wanted to emulate their ability to go through the seasons, face the storms, look towards what will enable them to grow, have roots so deeply rooted that I will take what I ought to take…

There were many times in which I asked God why. Then I asked God for strength and guidance to carry on this arduous journey. God is faithful.

It has been a very long time since I thought cg. Would it be a session that would speak to the members? Would I end up speaking most of the time? What is my objective for them? What have I learnt that I want to also share with them? How would the whole session flow? All these questions flooded my mind every night on my way back home.

Sometimes the thought would greatly appeal to me-ask someone else to take over me. All I can say is that I am glad pride wasn’t the reason why I didn’t ask Ranald or Ben to take over because then God reminded me how I am always facing limitations. I was limited by time, space, people, work, etc, but He is not, and He will let the Holy Spirit work in the members’ lives as well as my own. Not sure when was the last time I felt so refreshed after a session. Each one of them are a great encouragement to me. Their keenness to make changes, reflect, ask questions when in doubt brought to mind how S&P ministry aim to guide the youths to be on fire for God in their service to Him in Church, at work , wherever they are.

Relying on Him was all He asked of me, but I guessed in the midst of my stress and busy-ness all I wanted to do is just struck off the to-do list one by one that it as just a struggle to trust!!! The scary but amazing thing was that when I was about to give up, to just toss all my papers in the air and surrender to sheer tiredness and just sleep till the cows come home because there was absolutely no one around whom I could turn. For a very strange but good reason, that particular night, there was not a single soul online whom I could rant and cry to that although it’s not a very good thing that I went to God as my last option, but it was a resounding reminder that not a single of my close friend or best friend or even my future boyfriend or husband will ALWAYS be there for me. People can sometimes fail you. People cannot always be there for me, even though perhaps we wish we could, but once again, humans like limits. God is limitless and everlasting.

Over the weekend, I met up with Sara for a snippet of Biennale ’08 and there I went pouring out my entire week, the amount of work I had to do, the thoughts that were floating in my heart, and the thoughts in my heart. Something she said pierced right straight to my heart.

You will never know when you are ready.

Everyday, every new phase, every circumstances, every new situation is a continuous adjustment process.
I say I am not ready
When will you then be ready?
You never know until you try.
You will never know unless you let yourself be led.
You will never be ready if you choose to not be ready.

This is sounding all too familiar…

One of the thought that is running through my brain in between all that psychology notes is that how is it that there is someone in my life who has never failed me. Not once. Yet, I can still cast doubts on Him. Do I think I am that great?

I mean seriously think about someone whom have failed you by say lying to you or even things like being punctual for an event yet they are still late. There must be one or even too many that you’ve lost count. Same here. Example, I have a friend who is perpetually late, and no matter what he say, he will still be late the next time I meet him that now I just tell him the timing earlier or I leave house later. There’s doubt because he has failed to keep his promise. But its not the case for the former. Why then such an attitude???

Anyway, my confirmation student is so cute. Behind that façade of quiet gentle innocent girl, she’s terribly cheeky. That day she told me that she missed me!!! That’s the last thing I’d expect to her from her! THAT quiet girl!! Haha. She’s such a joy to teach with her enthusiasm and diligence. Way to go girl.

Back to work... Back to work. back to work. back to work. back to work.

Ps: in case you're wondering why such a title, its because in every forum, there's bound to be MANY people who will end off by saying, "this is just my 2 cents worth".... and it's getting kind of annoying. I decided I shall be different by going, HERE'S MY PRICELESS THOUGHT! :) ahaha.